Free Email Messages

Yaya Jokes

2009-08-16T23:27:00.001-07:00

1. Yaya buys food at McDo.
Crew: “Dito niyo na po ba kakainin?”
Yaya: “Puwede sa table?”

2. Kid: “Yaya look, boats!”
Yaya: “Dows are not boats, dey’re yachts.”
Kid: “Yaya, spell yachts?”
Yaya: “Yor rayt, dey are boats.”

3. Woman carrying sick baby enters doctor’s office.
Doc: “Bottlefed?”
Woman: “Brea - stfed po.”
(Doctors squeezes woman’s breasts repeatedly)
Doc: “Ayan ang problema, wala kang gatas, eh.”
Woman: “Yaya lang po ako doc! Yaya!”

4. The eggs that yaya bought turned out to be rotten.
She stormed back to the grocery and told the vendor:
“Manong, ang baho ng itlog niyo!”

5. My mom asked our yaya to buy Inquirer and Star.
Our yaya came back and said: “Ma’am, wala pong Inquirer
kaya bumili nalang po ako ng dalawang Star!”

6. Yaya: “Huhuhu…”
Ate: “O, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”
Ate: “Eh bakit ka ba tinitighiyawat?”
Yaya: “Kasi po di ako makatulog sa gabi.”
Ate: “O, bakit ka di makatulog?”
Yaya: “Kasi po may pinoproblema ako…”
Ate: “Ano naman ang pinoproblema mo?”
Yaya: “Kasi ate ang dami kong pimples!”

7. (Earlier) Mom: “Yaya, lagay mo yung pesto sa ref!”
(Later) Son: “Yaya, nakita mo PS2 ko?”
Yaya: “Nasa ref, pinalagay ng mama mo!”

8. Just now my maid burned a hole in my uniform.
I angrily asked her, “Paano mo naman nasunog to?”
She answered: “Secret!”

9. After watching a movie, our yaya blurted out :
“Ang pangit naman, happy ending!”

10. Sir: “Yaya, gawa mo ko ng kape. Yung decaf ha!”
Yaya: “Siyempre naman, alangan namang de-baso!”

11. Mom: “Yaya, magluto ka na pag-alis ko ha!”
Yaya: “Ano po lulutuin ko?”
Mom: “It’s up to you.”
(During dinner) Mom: “Yaya, bakit ketsup at tuyo ang ulam?”
Yaya: “Diba nung tinanong ko kayo kung anong lulutuin ko,
sabi niyo, ‘kitsup tuyo’!”

12. Our neighbor’s yaya: “Junjun, chew your mouth!”

13. Our yaya sa sari-sari store: “Miss isang Coke in can
at isang Sprite na Coke in can…”

14. SIR: “Inday, si sir mo to, nabangga kotse ko & I need cash!”
INDAY: “Aru, dugo-dugo gang ka no?”
SIR: “Gaga! Si sir mo talaga to!”
INDAY: “Gago ka rin! Si sir ang tawag sa kin…kapkeyk…”

15. I once asked my yaya where the Netherlands is located.
She answered: “Diba dun nakatira si Peter Pan?”

16. “O yaya, bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Ati, sabi kasi ng duktor, tatanggalan ako ng butlig!”
Ate: “Eh yun lang pala eh! Bakit ka umiiyak?”
Yaya: “Buti kung one lig lang, eh kung butlig, wala na kong ligs!”

17. We saw our yaya staring intently at the orange juice bottle.
Sabi namin: “Yaya, anong ginagawa mo?”
Yaya: “Shhh! Nakalagay sa bote, ‘concentrate’…”

18. Neighbor’s yaya telling her ward to climb down the stairs:
“Down to earth! Down to earth!”

19. My mom was going to buy our yaya a transistor radio.
Before my mom left the house, our yaya said,
“Ma’am, ang kunin niyo yung Ilokano ang salita ha!”

20. We paid for the tuition fee of our yaya’s son.
So one day I was reviewing him: “The Earth is the 3rd planet from the sun.
Ano ang katabi ng Mercury?” His mom, our yaya, answered:
“Parang Watson’s yata…”

21. Sir: “Yaya, natanggal mo yung mantsa sa barong ko?”
Yaya: “Opo! Tanggal na tanggal!”
Sir: “Good! Anong pinang-tanggal mo?”
Yaya: “Gunting, kuya! Gunting!”

22. Yaya to tricycle driver: “Magkano sa City Hall?”
Driver: “Ikaw lang?” Yaya: “Ay bakit, hindi ka sasama?”

23. (Si Kuya pumasok sa kuwarto ni Yaya)
Kuya: “Yaya…”
Yaya: “Koya, wag po! Wag Pooooo!”
Kuya: “Gaga! Uutusan lang kita!”
Yaya: “Si Koya naman…nagsa-suggest lang…”

24. Kid: “Yaya, spell orange?”
Yaya: “Depende. Yung kulay o yung prutas?”

25. Midget Yaya who was newly hired:
“Suwerte po kayo, ako ang napili niyo.
At least kung maibagsak ko si baby, mababa lang!”

26. Yaya to my brother: “Nag tothbrush ka na ng ipin?”
Bro: “Siyempre, alangan namang mag toothbrush ako ng kilikili!”

27. (after being scolded for breaking her promises):
“Ma’am, hindi na po ako mangangako ulit…promise!”

28. We had a yaya who claimed she was being courted by a kapre
in her province and wanted to take her to his kingdom.
Her reason for turning down the offer to be his queen?
“Kapre yun ma’am, malaki ang kwan nun! Wag na uy!”

29. AMO: “Bakit namatay ang aso?”
MAID: “Pinaliguan ko po ng laundry soap.”
AMO: “Nakamamatay ba yun?”
MAID: “Ewan ko nga po eh, pag-off ko ng washing machine patay na.”

30. Amo: Yaya use COOLING PLACE in a sentence.
Yaya: Sir! viry easy! iksample nagring yung phone,
(ring, ring, ring,) Yaya answered, " HILO , WHO'S COOLING PLACE?"

I Love Rubber Bands

2009-08-16T23:20:00.000-07:00

By Bo Sanchez

Let me tell you a crazy story I heard recently.There' s this husband who out of sheer love for his wife decided to prove it to her. So he swam the widest oceans, crossed the deepest rivers, and climbed the highest mountains to show his deep devotion to her. But in the end, she divorced him.

Why? Because he was never home.(Get it?)

Let me tell you an experience I had as a kid. One day, I asked Mom, "Why do my shoes keep eating my socks?" As a young boy, that was always a mystery for me. All my other classmates never had that problem. Their socks remained tight and high up their legs the entire day.

Mom didn't answer my question but simply gave me two rubber bands which I dutifully placed around the top of my socks. To this day, fifteen years later, I still have permanent circle marks around my legs. But aside from giving me this slight defect, the two bands worked like magic.

It never occurred to me that Dad and Mom didn't have the money to buy a new pair of socks for me. So I wore five-year-old socks, all soggy, grayish, and garter less. And yet amazingly, I never complained. I believe it was because Dad was always home when I needed him. Every night, after coming from work, we'd jog together, sit around, and talk about Tarzan, Farrah Fawcett Majors,God, and what I wanted to be when I grew up (a stockholder) . On Saturdays, we'd walk to Cubao, eat a hotdog-on-a- stick,and buy new rubber bands before going home.

I've learned that in truth, we don't want our loved ones to show their love for us in big ways. Swimming the widest oceans, crossing the deepest rivers, and climbing the highest mountains seem spectacular - but that's not what we really want. Deep in our hearts, we just want them home. With us.

Sometimes, God will operate that way. Suddenly, He decides not to answer our prayers, or fill our need, or heal our sickness, or give us the miracle we're asking for. (He's got reasons why He won't, and believe me - they're pretty good ones.) So He'll just be there beside you, holding you in a hug. Sharing your pain. Weeping as you weep. Oh, He might give you some rubber bands. And that small comfort from Him will be more than enough to sustain you. Because the most essential truth you already know.

..to be home.

How many times do we miss God's blessings because they are not packed as we expected? I trust you enjoyed this.

Pass it on to others. Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for...

IF YOUR GIFT IS NOT PACKED THE WAY YOU WANT IT, IT'S BECAUSE IT IS BETTER PACKED THAT WAY! ALWAYS APPRECIATE LITTLE THINGS!

Carpenter's Glasses

2008-10-18T01:26:00.000-07:00

My mother's father worked as a carpenter. On this particular day, he was building some crates for the clothes his church was sending to orphanages in China. On his way home, he reached into his shirt pocket to find his glasses, but they were gone.
When he mentally replayed his earlier actions, he realized what had happened; the glasses had slipped out of his pocket unnoticed and fallen into one of the crates, which he had nailed shut. His brand new glasses were heading for China!
The Great Depression was at its height and Grandpa had six children. He had spent $20 for those glasses that very morning..
He was upset by the thought of having to buy another pair. It's not fair, he told God as he drove home in frustration. I've been very faithful in giving of my time and money to your work, and now this.

Months later, the director of the orphanage was on furlough in the United States. He wanted to visit all the churches that supported him in China, so he came to speak one Sunday at my grandfather' s small church in Chicago. The missionary began by thanking the people for their faithfulness in supporting him.

But most of all, he said, I must thank you for the glasses you sent last.. You see, the Communists had just swept through the orphanage, destroying everything, including my glasses.

I was desperate. Even if I had the money, there was simply no way of replacing those glasses.. Along with not being able to see well, I experienced headaches every day, so my coworkers and I were much in prayer about this. Then your crates arrived.
When my staff removed the covers, they found a pair of glasses lying on the top
The missionary paused long enough to let his words sink in. Then, still gripped with the wonder of it all, he continued: Folks, when I tried on the glasses, it was as though they had been custom made just for me! I want to thank you for being a part of that.
The people listened, happy for the miraculous glasses. But the missionary surely must have confused their church with another, they thought. There were no glasses on their list of items to be sent overseas. But sitting quietly in the back, with tears streaming down his face, an ordinary carpenter realized the Master Carpenter had used him in an extraordinary way.

There are times we want to blame God instead of thanking him! Perhaps we ought to try to thank Him more often. May GOD bless your week. Look for the perfect mistakes. People are like tea bags - you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are.

~Author Unknown~

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Beers

2008-10-16T01:07:00.000-07:00

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in
front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very
large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it
was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar; he shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if
the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous yes.

The professor then produced the two beers from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things, your family, your children, your health, your friends
and your favorite passions, and if everything else was lost and only
they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house
and your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. If you put
the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the
pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all
your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the
things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend
time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with
grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out
to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the
house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the
things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just
sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beers
represented.

The professor smiled and said, "I'm glad you asked. The beer just shows
you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for
a couple of beers with a friend."

A Sad Dad's Poem...

2008-10-13T03:26:00.000-07:00

A sad Dad's poem...
This is a beautiful poem. There is an appeal from a Zimbabwean
couple at the bottom of message, not asking for anything more
than that you hand the poem on.
The husband wrote the poem.

TO MY CHILD

Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh
when I feel like crying.
Just for this morning, I will let you
choose what you want to wear,and smile and say how perfect it is.

Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry and pick you up and take you to
the park to play.
Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put
that puzzle of yours together.

Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with
you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and
whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or
second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.

Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you
trying to fix them.
Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can
have both toys.
Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were
born and how much I love you.

Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
Just for this evening, I will snuggle
beside you for hours, and miss my favourite TV shows.
Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be
grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

I will think about the mothers and fathers who are searching for their missing children, the
mothers and fathers who are visiting their children's
graves instead of their bedrooms. The mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly and screaming inside that little body

And when I kiss you goodnight I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then,
that I will thank God for you, and ask him for
nothing, except one more day.............

Funny JOke?

2008-10-08T21:50:00.000-07:00

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
I nstead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor , it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
I n return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

Chuck Twice and Push

2008-10-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

One night, Tom does what he normally does - - - he kisses his wife, crawls into bed and falls asleep. All of the sudden, he wakes up with and elderly man dressed in a white robe sitting next to him!

"What the heck are you doing in my bedroom... and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied. "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven." "WHAT! are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately. "

"It's not that easy", said St. Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

Tom though about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog would be too tiring, but a hen would probably have a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad.

"I want to return as a hen," Tom replied.

And in the next second, he found himself nicely feathered and in a chicken farm. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow. Then along came the rooster.

"Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about,? he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

"Well, OK i guess, but it feels like my butt is about to explode."

"Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg.

"How do I do that?" Tom asked.

"Cluck twice and then you push all you can."

Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground.

"Wow" Tom said. "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. and you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout:

"Doggone it Tom! Wake up! You're messin' up the sheets again!"

Products with Melamine: Beware

2008-09-26T17:32:00.000-07:00

These are the products recalled in the market which are believed to be contaminated with Melamine. Melamine is a substance used in the manufacturing of plastic materials. It is used in by some manufacturers in milk to increase the protein content of milk. In China, thousands of babies were affected by these chemical. There are already death casualties and the common cause is kidney stones.

BRAND II ITEM DESC
1 BAIRONG GRAPE CREAM CRACKERS
2 DOVE H/NUT ALM & RAISIN CHOC
3 DOVE HAZELNUT CHOC
4 DOVE MILK CHOCOLATE
5 Dreyers Choc Cake Ice Cream 887ml
6 Dreyers Choc Cake Ice Cream 887ml
7 Dreyers Cookie & Cream Ice Cream 887ml
8 Dreyers Cookie & Cream Ice Cream 887ml
9 Dreyers Mint Chip Ice Cream 887ml
10 Dreyers Mint Chip Ice Cream 887ml
11 Dreyers Rocky Road Ice Cream 887ml
12 Dreyers Rocky Road Ice Cream 887ml
13 Dreyers Strawberry Ice Cream 887ml
14 Dreyers Strawberry Ice Cream 887ml
15 Dreyers Toast Almond Ice Cream 887ml
16 Dreyers Toast Almond Ice Cream 887ml
17 Dreyers Vanilla Ice Cream 887ml
18 Dreyers Vanilla Ice Cream 887ml
19 DUTCH LADY STER M LF BANANA
20 DUTCH LADY STER MK LF PLAIN
21 DUTCH LADY STER MK LF CHOC
22 DUTCH LADY STER MK LF SBERRY
23 DUTCH LADY STER M LF HNYDEW
24 DUTCH LADY STER M LF HNYDEW
25 DUTCH LADY STER MILK PLAIN
26 DUTCH LADY STER MK LF CHOC
27 DUTCH LADY STER MK LF SBERRY
28 DUTCH LADY STER M LF BANANA
29 FIRST CHOICE CALCIUM SESAME CRACKERS
30 FIRST CHOICE CALCIUM SALTINE CRACKERS
31 FIRST CHOICE CALCIUM S ONION CRACKERS
32 FIRST CHOICE CALCIUM SEAWEED CRACKERS
33 GINBIS PARTY ANIMAL BUTTER BISC
34 GINBIS PARTY ANIMAL SEAWEED BIS
35 GINBIS PARTY ANIMAL CNUT
36 GINBIS ANIMAL BISCUIT
37 Koala Cocoa Biscuit 40g
38 Koala Cocoa Biscuit 40g
39 KRAFT OREO WAFER STICKS 18S
40 KRAFT OREO WAFER STICKS 5S
41 KRAFT OREO W/STICK WH CHOC 18S
42 KRAFT OREO W/STICK WH CHOC 5S
43 Lotte Koala Cocoa Funpack 210g
44 Lotte Koala Cocoa Funpack 210g
45 M & M Chocolate Peanut 200g
46 M & M Chocolate Peanut 200g
47 M&M CHOC CANDIES PLAIN%
48 M&M CHOC CANDIES PEANUT%
49 M&M CHOC CANDIES-PLAIN
50 M&M CHOC CANDIES-PEANUTS
51 M&M FUNSIZE MILK
52 M&M FUNSIZE PEANUT
53 M&M Chocolate Candies Plain 200g
54 M&M Chocolate Candies Plain 200g
55 MEIJI UJIKINTOKI 2978
56 MEIJI UMAKABO CHOCOLATE
57 MEIJI FAMILY PACK-GREEN TEA
58 MEIJI CHESTNUT & REDBEAN
59 MENTOS BOTTLE YOGHURT PROMO PK
60 MENTOS BOTTLE YOGHURT
61 Monmilk BREAKFAST MILK MALT
62 Monmilk BREAKFAST MILK WALNUT 6S
63 Monmilk BREAKFAST MILKMALT 6S
64 Monmilk CHOCOLATE MILK 6S
65 Monmilk COFFEE MILK 6S
66 Monmilk HI CAL LOW FAT
67 Monmilk HI CAL LOW FAT MILK
68 Monmilk HI CAL LOW FAT MILK 6S
69 Monmilk HI CAL MILK
70 Monmilk HI CAL MILK 6S
71 Monmilk MILK DELUXE 12S
72 Monmilk PURE MILK
73 Monmilk PURE MILK
74 Monmilk PURE MILK 6S
75 MonmilkBREAKFAST MILK WALNUT
76 NABISCO IN A BISKIT CHICKEN
77 NESTLE NES D/STICK MINI VANILLA
78 NESTLE NES DISTICK MINI CHOCO
79 NESTLE MILK & BERRY STARS CRL
80 NO FRILLS WAFER BLUEBERRY
81 NO FRILLS WAFER CHOCOLATE
82 NO FRILLS WAFER PEANUT
83 Orion Fresh Pie 138g
84 Orion Fresh Pie 138g
85 Orion Tiramisu 138g
86 Orion Tiramisu 138g
87 PEI TIAN CREAM BISCUIT
88 Rabbit Milk Sweet 150g
89 SILANG NATURAL OAT CRACKER
90 Snicker Candies Funsize 240g
91 Snicker Candies Funsize 240g
92 SNICKERS PEANUT CHOCOLATE%
93 SNICKERS SNACKSIZE BARS PNUT 5
94 TAKE ONE BABY BITES 24S
95 TAKE ONE BABY BITE CK VG
96 TAKE ONE BABY BITE CARROT
97 Vitasoy Chocolate Drink 4s 125ml
98 Vitasoy Chocolate Drink 4s 125ml
99 Vitasoy Melon Soya Bean Milk 4s 125ml
100 Vitasoy Melon Soya Bean Milk 4s 125ml
101 Vitasoy Q Soya Milk 4s 125ml
102 Vitasoy Q Soya Milk 4s 125ml
103 WANT WANT MILK CANDY
104 Want Want Flavoured Milk 250ml
105 Yili Hi Cal Low Fat Milk 1L
106 Yili Hi Cal Low Fat Milk 6s 250ml
107 Yili Hi Cal Milk 1L
108 Yili Hi Cal Milk 6s 250ml
109 Yili Pure Milk 1L
110 Yili Pure Milk 6s 250ml
111 Youcan Masterbean Multipack
112 Youcan Passion Multipack
113 Youcan Silk Sliced and Passion Strawberry
114 Youcan Stawberry Multipack
115 Youcan Traditional Sesame Multipack 4s
116 Youcan Unusual Multipack 4s

Joke Time: Free and Funny Jokes

2008-08-07T17:34:00.000-07:00

LOLO: paki abot naman yang posporo.
> LOLA: anjan naman yung shellane eh!
> LOLO: so, ipanlilinis ko yung shellane sa tenga ko?
>
> Usapan ng dalawang bata...
> Junjun : Magaling ang tatay ko! Alam mo, 'yang Pacific
> Ocean , siya ang humukay nun!
> Pedrito : Wala 'yan sa tatay ko! Alam mo ' yung
> Dead Sea ?
> Junjun : Oo...
> Pedrito : Siya ang pumatay nun!
>
> Tatay: bagsak ka na naman! Bat di mo gayahin si Pedro?
> Palaging may honor!
> Anak: unfair naman kung ikukumpara nyo ako kay Pedro!
> Tatay: bakit naman?
> Anak: matalino kaya tatay nun!
> ^_^
>
> nakatakas si erap, fvr at gma sa mga terrorista at nagtago
> sa mga sako sa farm!
> Terrorist1: ano nakita mo dyan?
> Terrorist2: mga sako lang! Tignan mo ang laman!
> sinipa ng terorista ang sako, "meow" sabi ni GMA.
> Terrorist2: Pusa!
> sinipa ang isa pang sako, "aw aw" sabi ni FVR.
> Terrorist: Aso!
> sinipa ang isa pang sako ngunit walang tunog kaya sinipa
> niya ito nang sinipa. Nasasaktan na si erap kaya sabi nito,
> "PATATAS ako kaya wala kong sound! Mga tanga!"
>
> eyeball ng textmates.
> GIRL: magsusuot ako ng yellow.
> BOY: I'll wear green.
> [nagpunta sila sa coffee shop to meet. Dumating ang panget
> na babaeng nakayellow. Walang naka-green. Nilapitan ng
> babae ang isang lalakeng naka-red shirt.]
> GIRL: excuse me, are you my textmate?
> BOY: hindi ah! Naka-green ba ako?! Hello?!
>
> NURSE: nasa isip mo ba pamilya mo?
> BALIW: siyempre man! OO!
> [Nurse natuwa..]
> NURSE: asan ba pamilya mo?
> BALIW: nasa isip ko. Tanga ba you?
>
> Si Mister nakita 3 butil ng bigas at 25pesos sa drawer ni
> Misis.
> MR: ano to?
> MRS: uhm honey, magtatapat na ko. Tuwing nagtataksil ako
> sayo naglalagay ako ng 1 butil ng bigas sa drawer.
> MR: eh ano yang 25pesos?
> MRS: nung naging 1 kilo ang bigas, binenta ko na. Sayang
> eh!
>
> ang alamat ng pandekoko.
> nung unang panahon, wala pang pandekoko.
> monay lang ang meron.
> pero may isang panadero na ang pangalan ay koko.
> namatay si koko dahil sa alak siya'y naloko.
> at sa pinaglibingan sa kanya ay may isang sakong tinapay na
> natagpuan.
> "wow ang sarap ng tinapay na to! at may matamis na
> palaman sa loob."
> sabi ng taumbayan.
> "at dahil ang nakalibing diyan ay si koko, tatawagin
> natin yan na kokojam."
> ay alamat pala ito ng kokojam.
>
> pinasok ng isang killer ang kwarto ng magasawa.
> KILLER: inaalam ko muna ang pangalan ng biktima ko bago ko
> sila patayin.
> ikaw anong pangalan mo?
> MISIS: inday po!
> KILLER: inday din pangalan ng asawa ko. sige hindi na kita
> papatayin.
> ikaw anong pangalan mo?
> MISTER: my name is gary ...
> but my friends call me inday.
>
> boy nahulog sa septic tank,Sumigaw: SUNOG!SUNOG!
> dumating mga bumbero naligtas sya,tinanong:
> bakit sunog ang sinigaw mo?
> boy:kung tae ba pupunta kayo?TAE!TAE! ganun?hehehe
>
> B1: grabe naholdap ako. Muntik na ko mamatay.
> B2: di ka nanghingi ng tulong?
> B1: nagtext ako sa police station.
> B2: anong reply?
> B1: ang mga baliw, reply ba naman, "hu u?"
>
> may isang lasing, nalalakad.
> may bigla siyang nakasalubong na madre..
> binubog niya yung madre..
> sabay sabing.
> aaaahhh.. wala ka pala BATMAN e!
>
> Guro: ano ang dapat gawin kapag lumindol??
> Pepito: buksan po ang ilaw!!!
> Guro: Bakit?
> Pepito: kasi po sa kubo naming madalas lumindol pag gabi...
> pero pagnagswitch ako ng ilaw biglang natigil...
>
> ANAK: tay, may manok sa kusina. Tinutuka ang bigas mo.
> TATAY: paalisin mo!
> ANAK: oi, alis ka daw! ayaw umalis eh
> TATAY: takutin mo!
> ANAK: awoooooo manooook!! May mumu diyan!
>
> DOCTOR: You only have very short time to live.
> PATIENT: How short?
> DOCTOR: 10
> PATIENT: 10 what? Days? Months? Years?
> DOCTOR: 9...8...7... 6........
>
> Promoter: Misis, kapag pinaghalo ang Ariel at Tide, bubula
> kaya?
> Misis: Aba , syempre!
> Promoter: Mali !
> Misis: Bakit naman?
> Promoter: Wala pang tubig. Excited ka?!
>
> Pasyente: Magkano ang facelift???
> Doktora: Complete treatment ay P145,000
> Pasyente: mahal!!! ano bang pinakamurang treatment para
> magmukha akong bata??
> Doktora: eto tsupon, P20 lang!!!
>
> In a kindergaten class, the little girl asked:
> girl: mam, mabubuntis po ba yung 40 yrs old???
> teacher: oo
> girl: yung 20?
> teacher: oo
> girl: yung 5 yrs old???
> teacher: hindi
> (little boy whispered)
> boy: sabi sayo... wag kang kabahan!!!

Thoughts for the Day

2008-05-02T21:52:00.000-07:00

CONFIDENCE

Once, all village people decided to pray for rain.
On the day of prayer all people gathered and only one boy
came with an Umbrella,

that's Confidence

***
TRUST

Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby
when you throw him in the air,
he laughs...... because he knows you will catch him;

that's Trust

***
HOPE

Every night we go to bed,
we have no assurance to get up alive in the next morning
but still you have plans for the coming day ;

that's Hope

***
HAVE CONFIDENCE, TRUST & NEVER LOSE HOPE

Friendship Bracelet

2008-04-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are:
I l ove you, Sorry and Help me.

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two-fold?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But, don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself , if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold.

"Have a happy magical day. "

Poisonous Spider

2008-04-04T22:11:00.000-07:00

Three women in North Florida turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period, all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting, followed by muscular collapse, paralysis and finally, death.

There were no outward signs of trauma.

Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood. These women did not know each other and seemed to have nothing in common. It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same Restaurant (Olive Garden) within days of their deaths. The Health Department descended on the restaurant , shutting it down. The food, water, and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.

The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check.

She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom.

That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom and lifted the toilet seat .

Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh color.&nb sp; This spider's venom is extremely toxic, but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.

Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital emergency room. Before his death, he told the doctor, that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia , changing planes in Singapore , before returning home. He did NOT visit (Olive Garden), while there. He did (as did all of the other victims) have what was determined to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock. Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India .

The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes!

It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the world.

So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders. It can save your life!

How to Protect Your Liver:

2008-03-28T17:36:00.000-07:00

Love your liver as this is the detoxifier of your body. Here are some of the main causes of liver damage are:

1. Sleeping too late and waking up too late
2. Not urinating in the morning
3. Too much eating
4. Skipping breakfast
5. Consuming too much medication
6. Consuming too much preservatives, additives, food
coloring, and artificial sweetener.
7. Consuming unhealthy cooking oil. As much as
possible reduce cooking oil use when frying, which
includes even the best cooking oils like olive oil. Do
not consume fried foods when you are tired, except if
the body is very fit.
8. Consuming overly done foods also add to the burden
of liver.
Veggies should be eaten raw or cooked 3-5 parts. Fried
veggies should be finished in one sitting, do not
store.

We should prevent sickness without necessarily
spending more. We just have to adopt a good daily
lifestyle and eating habits. Maintaining good eating
habits and time conditioning are very important for
our bodies to absorb good nutrients and get rid of
harmful chemicals.

BRAIN DAMAGING HABITS

2008-03-27T02:08:00.000-07:00

1. No Breakfast
People who do not take breakfast have a lower blood
sugar level.
This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to
the brain causing brain degeneration.

2. Overeating
It causes hardening of the brain
arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking
It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to
Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar consumption
Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of
proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may
interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution
The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our body.
Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen
to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain
efficiency.

6. Sleep Deprivation
Sleep allows our brain to rest. Long term deprivation
from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells.

7. Head covered while sleeping
Sleeping with the head covered increases the
concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease intake of
oxygen.

8. Working your brain during illness
Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a
decrease in effectiveness of the brain.

9.Lacking in stimulating thoughts
Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking
in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain
shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely
Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency
of the brain

The top 5 cancer-causing foods

2008-03-18T20:53:00.000-07:00

THERE goes PF Tender juicy!

1. Hot dogs
Because they are high in nitrates, the Cancer
Prevention Coalition advises that children eat no more
than 12 hot dogs a month. If you can't live without
hot dogs, buy those made without sodium nitrate.

2. Processed meats and bacon
Also high in the same sodium nitrates found in hot
dogs, bacon, and other processed meats raise the risk
of heart disease. The saturated fat in bacon also
contributes to cancer.

3. Doughnuts
Doughnuts are cancer-causing double trouble. First,
they are made with white flour, sugar, and
hydrogenated oils, then fried at high temperatures.
Doughnuts, says Adams , may be the worst food you can
possibly eat to raise your risk of cancer.

4. French fries
Like doughnuts, French fries are made with
hydrogenated oils and then fried at high temperatures.
They also contain cancer- causing acryl amides which
occur during the frying process. They should be called
cancer fries, not French fries,
said Adams .

5. Chips, crackers, and cookies
All are usually made with white flour and sugar. Even
the ones whose labels claim to be free of trans-fats
generally contain small amounts of trans-fats.

Reasons for sleeping and waking up early.

2008-03-14T21:51:00.000-07:00

Evening at 9 - 11pm: is the time for eliminating
unnecessary/toxic chemicals (detoxification) from the
body's system (lymph nodes). This time should be spent
by relaxing or listening to music. If during this time
a housewife is still in an unrelaxed state such as
washing the dishes or monitoring children doing their
homework, this will have a negative impact on health.

Evening at 11pm - 1am: is the detoxification process
in the liver, and ideally should be done in a deep
sleep state.

Early morning 1 - 3am: detoxification process in the
gall, also ideally done in a deep sleep state.

Early morning 3 - 5am: detoxification in the lungs.
Therefore there will sometimes be a severe cough for
cough sufferers during this time. Since the
detoxification process had reached the respiratory
tract, there is no need to take cough medicine so as
not to interfere with toxin removal process.

Morning 5 - 7am: detoxification in the colon, you
should empty your bowel (usually after waking up- walk
around a bit to shake "it" down). Some advice drinking
a glass of clean water right after waking up.

Morning 7 - 9am: absorption of nutrients in the small
intestine, you should be having breakfast at this
time. Breakfast should be earlier, before 6:30am, for
those who are sick. Breakfast before 7:30am is very
beneficial to those wanting to stay fit. Those who
always skip breakfast, they should change their
habits, and it is still better to eat breakfast late
until 9 - 10am rather than no meal at all.

Sleeping so late and waking up too late will disrupt
the process of removing unnecessary chemicals. Aside
from that, midnight to 4:00 am is the time when the
bone marrow produces blood. Therefore, have a good
sleep and don't sleep late.

TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH, IT'S THE BEST INVESTMENT
YOU'LL EVER MAKE-- FOR FREE!

Mental Feng Shui

2008-03-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

Mental Feng Shui

This is without a doubt one of the nicest good luck
forwards I have received. Hope it works for you --
and me! Lotus Touts: You have 6 minutes There's some
mighty fine advice in these words, even if you're
not superstitious. This Lotus Touts has been sent to
you for good luck from the Anthony Robbins
organization. It has been sent around the world ten
times so far. Do not keep this message.The Lotus
Touts must leave your hands in 6 MINUTES. Otherwise
you will get a very unpleasant surprise. This is
true, even if you are not superstitious, agnostic,
or otherwise faith impaired.

MENTAL FENG SHUI:

ONE.. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO.. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older,their conversational skills will be as important asany other.
THREE.. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR.. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE.. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX.. Be engaged at least six months before you get married..
SEVEN.. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT.. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE.. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
ELEVEN.. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE.. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN.. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask,Why do you want to know?
FOURTEEN.. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN.. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN.. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN.. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN.. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN.. When you realize you've made a mistake,take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY.. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE.. Spend some time alone. Now, here's the FUN part!

Send this to at least 5 people and your
life will improve. 1-4 people: Your life will
improve slightly. 5-9 people: Your life will improve
to your liking.9-14 people: You will have at least 5
surprises in the next 3 weeks 15 and above: Your
life will improve drastically and everything you
ever dreamed of will begin to take shape.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand
and
touches your heart. Do not keep this message.

Lost Puppy

2008-03-14T20:42:00.000-07:00

LOST PUPPY !!!!!
I know you guys are all dog lovers as are we..

My neighbor has lost her Chihuahua and is desperate to find him.

She does a lot of traveling and always brings her dog with her.

Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV and called out for her puppy with no response.
The back door was open.

She has been putting up signs everywhere.
If you see this dog, please let me know and I will notify her.

Your help would be greatly appreciated.

See picture below.............

To Be Treasured

2008-03-14T20:28:00.000-07:00

One day Maths teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. 'Really?' she heard whispered. 'I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!' and, 'I didn't know others liked me so much,' were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in 'Kargil' war and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never attended Funeral of a serviceman before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The place was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk. The teacher was the last one to bless .

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. 'Were you Sanjay's math teacher?' he asked. She nodded: 'yes.' Then he said: 'Sanjay talked about you a lot.'

After the funeral, most of Sanjay's former classmates were there. Sanjay's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

'We want to show you something,' his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket 'They found this on Sanjay when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it.'

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Sanjay's classmates had said about him.

'Thank you so much for doing that,' Sanjay's mother said. 'As you can see, Sanjay treasured it.'

All of Sanjay's former classmates started to gather around. Arjun smiled rather sheepishly and said, 'I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home.'

Prithwiraj's wife said, ' Prithwiraj asked me to put his in our wedding album.'

I have mine too,' Rashmi said. 'It's in my diary' Then Deepali, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. 'I carry this with me at all times,' Deepali said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: 'I think we all saved our lists'

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Sanjay and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful. But its upto U to fwd this one.

If you've received this, it is because someone cares for you and it means there is probably at least someone for whom you care.

If you're 'too busy' to take those few minutes right now to forward this message on, would this be the VERY first time you didn't do that little thing that would make a difference in your relationships?

The more people that you send this to, the better you'll be at reaching out to those you care about.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You.